One Plus One
by One Brave Lamb
Summary: A short story about loss, love and life - not necessarily in that order. Written for GrayMatters because it was a Wednesday. All human.


_A/N - This was written for GrayMatters (aka Andrea.) I can't tell you all how much she's done for me and been there for me and this is nothing in comparison to all of her kindness. But occasionally, maybe it's a good thing to be reminded that there are people out in this big world that care and are thankful to have you in their lives. This is my way of saying thank you. _

_Later the song Edward sings can be found here: http:/www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=O040xuq2FR0 Just removed the [dot]'s and enter periods. I love that song._

_All characters and quotes are the property of Stephenie Meyer._

_Without any further ado._

* * *

><p>Sometimes in life there are little, seemingly insignificant moments that twist and turn into something incredibly important. As time passes and you look back, those tiny moments expand, pulse and breathe a whole new meaning of life into you. Their contrast sharpens, so very acutely, that they're blurred, misshapen and reformed into a moment that changes your life.<p>

I'll never forget my moment. The moment I first laid eyes on him.

My '_one_.' The only.

…

Empty platitudes and unwelcome gestures that only made my skin crawl. That's what my life had become.

"It gets better."

"You'll move on."

"Time heals all wounds."

I could scream. I did scream. I cried out and thrashed against those words. It wasn't that I didn't want to believe them, because I did. It was that I couldn't believe them.

How could they be so sure? They hadn't gone through what I had. They didn't know the all-encompassing grief I felt. They weren't the one left behind. They knew nothing of my pain and sorrow; they only thought they did.

I gave my whole heart away and I gave it freely. He took it, every single part and never gave it back. Then he left. Out of my reach, out of my life and I was left a cracked and bleeding empty shell.

The center of my world laid six feet beneath the cold, hard ground and everyone wanted me to move on, to let go.

"He wouldn't want to see you like this."

And he wouldn't. He never would. Because he was gone and he was never coming back.

I was nineteen and my best friend was ripped away from me with the careless turn of a wheel, a patch of forgotten ice and a sturdy oak that had lived much longer than both of us.

I gave a blank nod accepting what they were saying, but pushing the words away as quickly as possible. They weren't true after all, so why bother dwelling on them?

I didn't know how wrong I was. I couldn't know that someday, somehow, the universe would know exactly what and who to send into my life at exactly the right time.

…

The Chicago wind was brutal, whipping my hair around my face like an angry maelstrom. I sat on a bench, my bench, and observed. That's the only thing I felt comfortable doing. Observing people rushing past, families laughing and living, couples stumbling, fumbling and falling in love. Three years, thousands of miles and a lot of tears lead me to this point. Observing and misplaced. Tired and broken.

I spent at least an hour a day sitting on a bench by the Museum Campus in Grant Park. I couldn't tell you why I was so drawn to that location. Yes, it was true that that area is gorgeous. The view of the Chicago skyline was awe-inspiring, the water of the lake was tranquil and there was always something to see. Maybe I thought it would trigger something inside of me, unlock that dormant part that was buried under mounds of guilt and grief.

A moleskin journal and a sketchbook were my only companions, day in and day out. Words had always been my strongest ally. They allowed me to express anything and everything I was feeling without judgment or hidden agendas. They were my closest confidants; my safety net. The sketchbook was the bane of my existence. Once a passion, now only a painful reminder of things lost. The only sketch it held, the only page that had felt the stroke of my hand, was of a sturdy oak with scrapes, bruises and an angry white scar that marked the absolute worst moment of my life.

Jacob Black had been my best friend since we were in diapers. We shared everything. The highest highs and the lowest lows. He once told me he was in love with me and I smiled, cupped his cheek and told him that I loved him with my whole heart. I would always love him fiercely, but I would never be in love with him. His brow had furrowed, his mouth dropped open and he stared at me for what seemed like forever and yet never long enough. Then slowly, his lips curved towards the sky and he nodded. He was part of me, part of my soul but he wasn't the other half. He could never be my _one_. The one plus one that made two and never parted. You could look at the same equation, all day, every day but it would remain the same. One plus one equals two. Jacob was someone else's one. He was my two.

I expelled a harsh breath and absentmindedly rubbed my hand over the ever present ache in my chest. Jacob would never meet his one. His one was wandering around somewhere, most likely in the lush green that made up Washington state, searching, always searching. She didn't know he was no longer here. She didn't know that a terrible accident occurred and ripped him away long before he was supposed to leave. The thought made my eyes well up and my throat clog.

And what about me? What about the other half of my equation? Was he out there, somewhere? Was he looking for, grasping at – but ultimately never finding? I didn't know. My fingers tightened around the moleskin, aching to put words down. To spill my secrets to the only friend I could trust. I scrubbed my eyes haphazardly, willing the tears away.

Just as I moved to open my secret haven and purge my soul, a russet head with a dewy black nose took up residence in my lap. I startled, not expecting the intrusion, but found myself lost in sad, dark eyes. A low whine escaped the beautiful animal's throat and it pierced something in my chest.

Could this dog see my secrets? Did he or she feel my pain?

I let go of the moleskin and gently scratched behind the pup's ears. I swear a wolfish grin broke out across its furry face.

"Don't worry about me," I whispered to the pooch. "I'll be okay."

I had no idea why I felt the need to reassure an animal, but I did. A whistle broke through the air around us and the dog's ears perked. I was just about to tell it to go, when a masculine call broke through the air like a bucket of ice cold water dumped down your spine.

"Jake, c'mon buddy! I'm leaving."

I swallowed thickly around the lump in my throat as my pulse raced. The dog glanced over his shoulder in his owner's direction before looking back at me. He nudged my hand before loping off and I blinked, lost in a trance of unexpected memories before snapping my head up and searching for him.

_Jake. __Jake. __Jake._ A constant loop in my mind.

I spotted his canine form, just before it turned a corner. His head was being rubbed affectionately by a large palm. I allowed my eyes to travel up that arm, to the strong profile of his master. They were far enough away that I couldn't make out exact details. The man had a strong jaw, lips curved up in a playful smile and a shock of hair that had been devastated by the wind. It was the color of a brand-new penny. Shiny copper. Glorious bronze.

I blinked and they were gone. I took deep breaths, sucking in the cool air and tried to calm my thundering heart. I swear I could actually feel it pumping the driving force of life through my veins. I could feel every molecule, every twist and turn from my head down to my toes. My body tingled with some form of raw energy and it was so unexpected that I gasped and heaved. A small smile danced along my lips and my fingers twitched.

I could _feel_ it.

A small seed blooming into a spiraling vine crawling over my senses and making me want to simultaneously jump for joy and weep with aching clarity. My shaky hand lifted, hovering over the moleskin for a long moment before changing course and picking up the sketchbook.

Several hours later the image of a master and his best friend was forever embedded into the grain of a page and I felt alive again.

…

I spent the next several days sketching anything and everything that caught my eye. A wilting flower that looked lonely and forgotten among the other glorious blooms. An old woman, waiting for a train with a thousand-yard stare and a content smile. A crack in the pavement, so ordinary and often overlooked.

My park time was more of the same quiet observance that it always was. However, I found myself smiling more at the families and couples I was so used to seeing. The bitter haze I was so used to stumbling through was lifting and I could find peace in their joy.

I didn't see the dog or his owner, but I didn't need to. They had served their purpose and brought me back to the land of the living and I would be forever grateful. Even so, from time to time I would hear a bark and my head would snap in its direction, only to see another dog with another person and a melancholy twinge would twist my stomach.

I didn't need to see them. But I wanted to.

…

It had turned cold, my long days in the park drawing shorter and shorter with every passing day. The reminder that winter was hovering just out of reach hit hard for obvious reasons, but this year seemed a little bit easier.

I sat cross-legged on my bench, sketching the skyline. I knew it by heart of course, I had spent too many years gazing stoically at every aspect if it not to. I barely had to lift my eyes and glance at the towering buildings, only when I wanted to capture a certain shadow or seemingly insignificant detail would I drift away from my page.

After several minutes or even an hour of shading and sharp lines, I closed my eyes and rolled my neck. I could feel the smile stretching my lips and couldn't help the contented sigh that escaped me. At first I couldn't place the scratching noise that seemed to be rapidly approaching, but the panting breaths made my eyes snap open. As soon as his russet form came to a stop in front of me, I snapped my eyes up and around wanting to see his person. It didn't take long to spot him, leaning against the metal bars by the water.

What shocked me momentarily was his intense stare. Was he looking right at me? Or through me? I couldn't tell. I smiled a little more widely, holding his gaze for a second before turning my attention back to the furry animal by my feet.

"Hello again, Jake," I giggled when his head snapped up and tilted to the side. The universal 'I'm confused' expression all dogs seem to have. "What? Did you think I'd forget you?" I teased with a grin that turned into outright guffaws when he suddenly jumped up and started licking at my face.

"Jake! No! Oh get down you oaf!" I couldn't see around Jake's russet head, but I heard feet slapping against the pavement as I tried to dodge sloppy, affectionate dog kisses.

"It's okay!" I shrieked through a fit of giggles all while pushing against Jake's torso. As the man stopped behind us, the dog pulled away and dropped to his back by master's feet.

"Oh yeah, you think you're so cute don't you?" The guy muttered down at his pet before bringing his gaze back to my own. I felt a shock run through me as I caught the very first glimpse of his eyes. They were mossy green, lush and alive. "I'm so sorry about that. He's an ogre sometimes."

"It's no problem at all," I whispered feeling a little breathless all of a sudden. I cleared my throat before continuing. "I have a thing for furry ogres. They're sort of my weakness," I teased and was secretly thrilled by the crooked smile that lit up his features in return.

"Really?" he returned easily. "I never would have suspected."

"Why?" I was genuinely curious. I also really liked the dulcet tones of his voice. He searched my face for several breaths, tilting his head much like his canine companion had.

"Because you always seemed like you'd rather be alone. There was also this air of…" I watched his face as he searched for words. I always seemed? Had he noticed me before? With a sigh, he finished. "You seemed sad and closed off to the world."

"I was," I answered simply. He nodded with his eyes on his shuffling feet. "I'm Bella, by the way."

He looked up and that crooked grin was back. "I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you, Bella."

…

I spent hours talking to Edward that day. About nothing and everything. It had been so long since I made a real human connection and I realized that I missed it. Terribly. I told him about Forks, Washington and growing up in a sleepy town and he told me about growing up in a bustling city. He never asked about what had made me close myself off and I didn't offer. I didn't ask him how long ago he noticed me and he didn't tell.

We shared stories about secret places we loved to venture to in the city. I told him about my classes at U of C and he grinned when he told me that's where he attended college as well. We laughed together like old friends until my teeth were chattering and my limbs were numb. I tried to wave off his concern but he had none of it, instead he asked for my phone and programmed his number into it. I smiled as I hit send and told him that it was only fair that he had mine in return.

With matching grins and a scratch behind Jake's ears, we parted ways. I floated the whole way home.

…

_What are you up to today? – E_

I frowned at the screen. I didn't want to drown Edward in my troubles. He had become such a bright spot in my life and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want to see pity for me in his eyes. I didn't want to hear the same obtuse words of comfort fall from his lips.

But I was falling, spiraling downwards into a gulf of depression and I didn't want to lose myself again.

_Trying to make it through. – B_

_That sounds unusually somber from you, Ms. Swan. – E_

_Today is…a bad day. – B_

I heard nothing from him for over ten minutes. The whole time I chewed on my lower lip and flipped my phone around in my hands. We had spent the past two months getting to know each other and enjoying the easy friendship we had fallen into. I feared that it was more superficial than I thought and a crushing feeling encompassed my chest.

_Where are you? – E_

I let out a deep breath of relief and battled against my irrational tears.

_My apartment. – B_

_Don't move. I'll be there in twenty. – E_

I blinked at my phone before stowing it in my back pocket. I don't know what I had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Sure, Edward had been to my apartment before in the past couple months and I had been to his. But usually in passing on the way to here or there. I wondered if that was what he had planned for today. I didn't feel much like going anywhere if I were to be totally honest, but I had a feeling I'd follow Edward anywhere. He held such vitality, such joy in his glittering green eyes that I found it hard to deny him anything.

Sixteen minutes later there were three sharp raps on my door. I rushed to answer it and was immediately wrapped up in an embrace.

"Are you okay?" Edward rasped into my hair. I shook my head. I wasn't okay.

He pulled back and searched my face for several seconds. With pursed lips and a slow nod he asked if we could sit down. I lumbered over to my couch and he made himself comfortable next to me. We sat in easy silence for a while, the only sound was our breathing, a soft ticking of my clock and Edward's fingers drumming a steady rhythm on his leg.

"I both love and hate Christmas," he said suddenly and I turned to face him with questions decorating my features. "I love the lights and the merriment and all the things that signal it's that time of year, but I hate it too."

I brought one leg up and curled it under me as I turned my body in his direction. I had a feeling this was going to be a conversation I needed to be fully invested in and I made myself comfortable.

"Can I ask why?" I queried locking my eyes with his.

"You can ask me anything, Bella," Edward ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "You remember me telling you that I was adopted?" At my nod he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm Catholic and Esme and Carlisle were appointed as my Godparents. We take that very seriously, you know?" He wasn't really asking, just beginning his narrative. "Anyway, I was only six months old and my parents had to attend some glitzy party that my dad's law firm was hosting. Esme told me that she offered to watch me that night, my mother had gone on and on about how she couldn't find a sitter she trusted and felt like she should skip the whole thing. Esme still feels guilty to this day…" his voice trailed off for a moment and I felt myself bracing for the drop. I knew what was coming. I knew that look on his face. I had seen it on my own for years.

"Drunk driver," he whispered looking down at his hands. "They never even made it to the party. I was just a baby, so I don't have any memories of it. I didn't even know anything was out of the ordinary until second grade when a kid in my class asked why my last name Masen, but my parent's last name was Cullen." Edward looked up at me then with a sad smile. "I asked Esme as soon as I got home and she tried to explain but I couldn't wrap my head around it. There were pictures of Elizabeth and Edward Masen all over the house and Esme brought out photo album after photo album filled with all four of them, and then the three of us during those first six months. She explained how happy they were to have me, how much they loved me. I was confused and hurting for people I never got the chance to know. Esme is the most patient and kind person I think anyone has ever known and any time I came to her with a question, she'd answer with all the gentleness she could muster."

I felt the lump in my throat and swallowed around it. I had no words to express how much it hurt me to know that Edward knew that kind of pain. I watched as he ran a hand through his hair.

"A few years later I asked both Carlisle and Esme if I could change my name to Cullen. I think it shocked them because I could see the happiness it brought, but they argued on my parent's behalf. I just told them that I knew Elizabeth and Edward were wonderful people, but they had trusted Carlisle and Esme with their most precious gift as Esme was always telling me I was and that I could think of no better way to honor them than to really accept the blessing they gave me. To make a happy life, surrounded by people who love me and my family. They were the only family I knew and I wanted to really belong. The adoption went through about six months later. They've been my mom and dad ever since."

I couldn't explain how I felt. I could empathize, but at the same time, I couldn't.

"You said it was it Christmas party?" I mumbled while picking at a loose thread on my jeans.

"The 22nd." He supplied predicting my follow-up question. I felt a pang in my chest. That was only four days from now. "When I first saw you in the park, I could tell that something had happened to you. There was this sadness written all over your face and I had seen it before. On Esme when she talked about Elizabeth."

His words surprised me enough to make me choke on air.

"They were best friends all their lives," Edward whispered while scooting closer. I brought a hand up to brush the hair out of my eyes and Edward placed his on it mid-air. His palm to the back of my hand. I stared at them for moment, trying to remember every line and curve and shadow so that I could sketch it later. Edward pulled our hands down between us and tangled his fingers with my own before asking, "Who did you lose, Bella?"

My breaths stuttered and I blinked rapidly down at our hands trying to ward off the inevitable tears. I knew I didn't have to tell him, that's the way we were, but when I looked back up into his eyes I knew I would. Because I saw no pity there, only soft warmth and gentle encouragement.

"Jacob," I said slowly and Edward's brows shot up. "Yeah, my Jake. He was my best friend. Our dads were best friends. I'm pretty sure their dads were best friends too. And then four years ago, he was coming home from Christmas shopping and hit a patch of ice. They said he didn't feel any pain…" my words slowed and I sighed. This was part I hated most.

"He'd gone to an art store in Port Angeles, a town just an hour away. I was getting ready to transfer to U of C and he wanted to get me something special to remember him by," I couldn't stop the silvery tracks of my tears that trickled down my cheeks. "Like he wasn't a part of me or something. Like I could ever forget my very best friend."

Edward's arms were around me again in an instant and he made soothing noises as he rocked us back forth gently. I clutched the soft fabric of his sweater and buried my face in his shoulder.

"It was all my fault, Edward. He was on that road because of me. He just wanted to do something nice for me. He died for a _goddamn_ sketchbook that I couldn't even use for over three years."

…

Edward held me through my breakdown. It didn't take as long as it had in the past to come back from the edge, but that could have been due to his continuous murmuring of _'__It__'__s__not__your__fault.__Oh__Bella,__it__wasn__'__t__your__fault.__' _The logical part of me understood that, but grief and guilt aren't logical emotions. After a while, he gently squeezed me to gain my attention.

"Are you hungry?" he whispered, not wanting to disturb the air around us. I nodded and leaned back staying quiet as well, afraid to tip the balance and send us careening back into that sad space.

He ordered us some Chinese and we ate on the couch, watching the snow fall outside the sliding glass door of my balcony. After a we were done he moved to my movie collection and held up random movies until I smiled at Office Space. He shook his head with a chuckle and popped it in. The sky darkened as day turned into evening and evening turned into night and I didn't want Edward to leave. I didn't want to be alone. Not anymore.

When I turned to him and asked if he could stay he just gave me a sad smile.

"Where else would I go, Bella?"

We fell asleep on my couch with our hands entwined.

…

Edward took me to his parent's house for Christmas. I hadn't gone home for the winter holidays since I left Washington and had no intentions of changing that any time soon. Esme and Carlisle Cullen were every bit as amazing as Edward made them out to be. We had a lovely dinner, exchanged small gifts and my favorite furry friend was in attendance.

"Why Jake?" I asked Edward. He shrugged and said, "He looked like a Jake. It's the eyes."

I nodded with a smile, the dark eyes in question begging me for affection. Edward was right, he did look like a Jake.

When I asked, he said he'd found him a little over two years ago, wandering outside his apartment building. He couldn't let him freeze and even though his building didn't allow pets he was determined to give the dog a home. He brought Jake to Esme and voila!

I listened to Edward talk about their many escapades with a genuinely happy smile, running my fingers through Jake's soft fur all the while.

…

New Year's Eve was spent back in my apartment. I kind of lost it on Edward when he asked if I would come over and spend it with him, certain that he must have been invited to several parties. I didn't like the idea that he would turn down more exciting avenues simply because I would be alone. It felt too much like pity. Like he felt obligated.

He was quiet for a long while on the phone, before quietly reminding me that he wasn't exactly keen on holiday parties and just wanted to spend a quiet evening with someone he cared about.

I felt horrified and humbled. I immediately apologized and he waved it off, but I could hear the lingering sadness in his voice. I begged him to spend the evening with me and offered to make his favorite dinner, and his favorite desert if he would come. After a beat or two of silence, Edward chuckled and said he wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

That was how we ended up in my living room, Edward stretched out on my couch with his eyes closed and me on the floor sketching him. We traded questions for hours. Eventually we crossed into a topic that we had never discussed before. He asked about my previous boyfriends. I hated that I had to correct him; there had only been one. I felt like it made me seem juvenile and inexperienced, but the truth was I dated Seth Clearwater my senior year of high school and we ended things the fall of my freshman year at U of W. I didn't need to remind him that I moved here that January or what had occurred just before the move. Relationships had been the furthest thing from my mind.

I told Edward that after a while, I had sort of forgotten about them. I wasn't open to finding my _one_, I was closed off to the world. He'd smiled at my analogy and it turned sad once more at the mention of my self-inflicted isolation.

I learned that he wasn't your typical guy when it came to relationships. He'd only had two that he considered serious and they had ended amicably. When pressed, he explained that he wanted what Esme and Carlisle had, what his parents had. Edward said that Esme had always explained it as a spark. A little ember of brightness that catches your eye and when it's the right person it catches fire and turns into a roaring blaze that warms you from the inside out.

As he was explaining this, I was placing the finishing touches on his sketch. I was so focused on getting the exact shape and shading of his lips. He had amazing lips. Lips that could take your breath away when they smiled and could make your heart twist when they frowned. Edward finished talking and pursed the lips in question; before I realized what I was doing I crawled over to him on my knees.

I looked down at him, bracing myself on the arm of the couch. I was breathing shallowly, trying my hardest not to alert him to my presence. Edward looked lost in thought and I briefly wondered what he was thinking before my eyes wandered back to his lips. I couldn't shake the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

So with exaggerated slowness, either from fear of being rejected or simple cowardice, I lowered my face to his. My lips gently brushed his and I felt the stuttered gasp burst through his nose and wash over my face. Edward didn't pull away and he didn't open his eyes, so I pressed another kiss against his lips with a bit more pressure and slowly, _ever __so _slowly his lips started to move with mine.

I couldn't tell you how long we stayed in that moment, me hovering above him, our lips dancing together in the most delicious of ways, but I know it was a moment that I would never forget.

…

The weeks following New Year's Eve, Edward was absent. He'd trade texts with me and phone calls from time to time, but he seemed withdrawn. He always rushed our interactions, claiming he was working on a special project and that he was sorry. I felt like a childish fool.

A part of me truly believed that our kiss had been something special. Something unique and almost magical. It was obvious to me that Edward didn't feel the same and probably felt badly for the poor, lonely girl that took his friendship and twisted it into something more. I spent those weeks lost in a melancholy and bitter haze, hating myself for my horrible misjudgment.

Almost as quickly as I had broken out of my shell, I retreated into a new one. After a while, I stopped texting and calling Edward altogether and ignored his when they came through. On several occasions, when he stopped by my apartment, I pretended to not be home. I would watch through the peep-hole as he knocked and ran a hand through his hair nervously. I had convinced myself that he was only checking up on me because of some sense of moral obligation.

I went class and came directly home. I didn't take the chance of running into him at the park and none of my secret places were safe anymore because I had shared them with him. I even skipped an Art Theory class one day when I spotted him waiting outside the door.

I never wanted his pity. I never wanted to be an obligation.

So I took the obligation away. I ran. I hid.

Edward didn't have to worry himself about me anymore.

…

Chicago was beautiful in April. The long, cold winter moved on and in its place came the warmth of spring. Flowers bloomed and trees came back to life in the nurturing rays of the sun. My fingers itched to draw, shade and capture it all on paper. I hadn't so much as looked at my sketchbook since February. Every time I flipped past the image of Edward, my heart would clench painfully in my chest and anything I had considered putting on paper dulled and no longer held me captive.

Even the solace of my moleskin was tainted. I'd see the ramblings from the morning after our kiss, the hopeful and joyful words that I had written and I'd cry and scream at how unfair life was. How it could give me two extraordinary men and whisk them away just as quickly as they came.

I stood on my balcony and looked out at the city. As always it was teeming with life, people rushing this way and that way in a hurry to go and do and see. I sighed and gave a nod to the ever present heaviness in my chest, the one that hadn't gone away since Edward's departure from my life and vowed that the time of stagnancy was over. I couldn't spend forever hidden away from everything that mattered in the world. That was a waste of life. A waste of breath. And if I had learned anything from the horror of that fateful December, it was that no life should ever go to waste.

…

I slowly began to re-establish my routine. I went back to my favorite coffee shop in the mornings and purchased my latte with extra cream, but traded my coffee cake for Edward's favorite blueberry scone. I lingered around campus more often, observing people my age laughing and playing and just generally enjoying life. I bought a new sketch book and began to draw simple things. A tree just off the bus line. An old church with a gothic façade that intrigued me. I couldn't bring myself to try people.

That wound was still too fresh.

I avoided the park like the plague and it hurt. I convinced myself that it was for the best. If I happened to run into Edward at school, I could always play it off that I had somewhere I needed to be, I could assure him that I was fine and that there were no hard feelings and then walk away. But he knew that the park was my down time. I went there to relax and drink in the ambiance of the city. To observe the life I might someday have, if only.

There would be no simple excuse to get away. There would be no easy way to mask my pain. Not in the place where I first met him, not in the place where I first felt that spark of life come back to me and jumpstart my heart. Not in the place…

…And that was the moment where everything twisted and turned. One tiny moment expanded behind my closed eyelids and pulsed against the brightness of the sun. It was in every deep lungful of air I gulped, trying to quell the overwhelming butterflies that were fluttering against my ribcage. The contrast sharpened and all of sudden that moment, the moment that changed everything all those months ago, changed again.

I no longer saw a master giving an affectionate pat on the head to his canine best friend.

The image was blurred, it twisted and rolled and became the moment I first saw _him._

My _one._The one, that when added to me, made two, and were never meant to be parted.

The realization left me breathless and shaking, without a clue as what to do.

…

Several days later, I made my way to Grant Park. I sat on my bench. I watched every movement from every person I could catch, but I never spotted him. There was no lumbering russet animal, no shock of penny colored hair. I sat on my bench until the sky turned black and the chilly breeze coming off of the lake was too much to withstand.

I went back the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Each day there was no Edward. And there was no Jake. It was only me and the random people I observed.

Only, I didn't want to observe anymore.

I wanted to live. I wanted to be a spark that turned into a blaze.

…

I shuffled through the crowd on Saturday, hating that the park became so busy on the weekends. I kept my head down, longing for the haze I could no longer lose myself in. Each time I tried Edward's eyes would pop into my mind and my heart would skip a beat reminding me that I was alive and that the haze belonged to someone else now. I couldn't push my heart away or hide it behind a wall of pain. It wanted to be free and longed for its twin beat.

I saw the colorful flats first, since my eyes were trained on the ground and when I slowly brought them up to see who was occupying my bench, I gasped.

"Well, it certainly took you long enough, dear," Esme said with a smile but I barely heard her over the rush of blood in my ears. "Have you figured it out yet?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times before I finally tilted my head and looked at her in confusion. Esme patted the bench beside her and I sat down with a sigh.

"What do you mean? Have I figured what out yet?" I asked wearily. As happy as I was to see Esme, my first connection to Edward in I don't know how many months, she wasn't him. And I wanted _him._

"I mean, have you figured out that you're in love with my son?" Her voice was casual, but her hazel eyes were staring into mine with an intensity that left me feeling bare and exposed.

"I – I don't…Esme, you…He didn't…" I stuttered and stumbled over my words and eventually snapped my mouth shut, the sound of my teeth clacking together making me cringe.

"That wasn't a no, Bella," she stated with smirk. A smirk that was so similar to that of her son's it made me snap.

"I know it wasn't a no, Esme!" I nearly shrieked. Some people turned their attention in our direction, trying to see what the outburst was all about. I lowered my voice to a whisper before continuing. "I…yes, okay? I know. I see it now."

"You know, when I lost Elizabeth I thought my whole world would cave in around me," Esme said just as softly. "She had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. All I could think was that if I just hadn't offered to watch Edward, she wouldn't have gone to that party. Edward, Sr. wouldn't have gone without her and they'd both still be here…" her voice trailed off for a moment as shadows crossed her features.

"But then, I'd never have known the joy of being a mother. Edward told me that he shared his story with you, but not mine. Part of the reason Elizabeth and Ed asked us to be Edward's Godparents was because I'm unable to have children of my own. Lizzie sat me down just before Edward was born and told me she couldn't imagine anyone more suited to raise her boy should anything happen, than me," Esme dabbed at her eyes for a moment before looking out over the water.

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I see her in Edward's eyes, in the way he smiles, the way he laughs with his whole heart. I'd give it all up, the joy of being that young man's mother, the blessing he has been to me from the day he arrived in this world, if it meant Lizzie could come back…but that's not how life works. So instead, I thank her every single day, for giving me such a gift. For allowing me to take over once she was gone and love him with every fiber of my being," tears had long since started streaming down my face and I couldn't stop myself from taking her hand and holding it in mine.

"I used to tell Jacob that no matter how or when I met my _one_, he'd always be my best man," I whispered tremulously while taking a clue from Esme and directing my attention to the water. It was easier to talk about if I didn't have to look her in the eye. "I knew Jake could never be that person, but he would _always_ be my two. My second-best to the real thing. I loved him. I loved Jake so much and I used to think it was with my whole heart, but I realize now that I was wrong. Jake has a special place there and he always will, but…" I let my words drift away on the breeze and turned my attention back to Esme when she gently squeezed my hand.

"Then don't you think you should tell him? Don't you think Jacob would want you to be happy? That he'd want you to find your one and only? Isn't that what all best men want?" Her voice was as gentle as it was sure and the sobs I had been fighting for days finally broke free when I gave in to the truth. At my frantic nod, Esme embraced me and cooed in my ear that everything would be fine and that life works in mysterious ways sometimes.

For the first time in a long time, the clichéd response didn't raise my hackles, in fact I found myself agreeing with her.

…

I found myself standing on the sidewalk outside of Edward's apartment just staring up at his open window. I didn't know what I was waiting for. Perhaps I wished that he would look out and see me, making the decision for me, or maybe I was just terrified of him pushing me away like I had done to him.

I stood there for what seemed like ages, until a simple melody played on a piano stole my breath away. I stumbled over to the steps and slouched down. Echoes of a never forgotten conversation skirted on the edges of my memory as I continued to listen to the delicate strands of music floating in the air. Edward was quite talented on the piano, something he had inherited from Elizabeth. He was studying to be a teacher of the arts, not a musician, but with what I was hearing…he definitely had the ability to be one if he so chose.

I could feel my eyes welling up, the song he was playing wrapping around me like a warm blanket. It was one of my favorites. I could just barely make out his voice crooning the words, but I joined him, singing quietly as I sat on his stoop.

"_She may be the face I can't forget, the trace of pleasure or regret. May be my treasure or the price I have to pay. She may be the song that summer sings, may be the chill that autumn brings. May be a hundred different things within the measure of a day."_

It was such a simple thing, remembering a song that I loved from a movie that I used to watch over and over. But the fact that he remembered, that he cared enough to learn it, that he chose to play it even though we hadn't spoken in far too long…it broke my heart and healed it at the same time.

"_She may be the reason I survive, the why and wherefore I'm alive. The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years. Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears and make them all my souvenirs. For where she goes I've got to be. The meaning of my life is…she. She. Oh, she."_

Several people slowed while walking by, their gaze darting to the open window and my tear-stained face. Some smiled, some looked worried, one older lady cupped my cheek in passing, but it was all a blur in my mind. The music had drifted to its close, but I could still feel it down to my bones. So I sat, blindly staring out and focusing on nothing, lost in a new kind of haze outside Edward's apartment.

"Are you seriously just going to keep sitting there?" I blinked at the sound of his voice and snapped my eyes to his window. He looked absolutely gorgeous, his chin propped up on his hands and watching me with a slightly amused smirk on his face.

"Um…" I stammered. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

I watched as his shoulders heaved slightly and his eyes narrowed, shifting away from me. He looked to be lost in thought for several moment, before his gaze returned to me.

"I think I get it, but I'd much rather have this conversation in private instead of…" he swept his hand out motioning to the people milling around. I chewed my bottom lip for a second while staring up at him, before I leapt to my feet and raced inside. Edward met me in the hall and I approached him cautiously, unsure just how badly my behavior had affected him.

He took me by complete surprise when as soon as I was close enough to touch, he wrapped me in a crushing embrace. My throat felt tight and my eyes burned but I squeezed him back with equal force.

"My mom called me when you left the park," Edward murmured into the crook of my neck.

"God, Edward. I'm so…" I started to apologize again but he cut me off by pulling me into the apartment.

"No, Bella. I get it. I really do. At first…not so much. I was confused about why you were avoiding my calls and texts, but then when I sat down and really thought about it, everything made sense," his voice was pitched low as he let me go and began pacing around his spacious living room. "I was so…jumbled after the kiss. I swear I spent a whole day just reliving it over and over. I was excited and scared and so full of…hope," he stopped and scrubbed his cheeks roughly with the palms of his hands before expelling a harsh breath.

"You were so brave that night, the way you opened yourself up and just…let go. You let me in, which had been what I was waiting for, God, for so long. So I decided I wanted to do something for you in return, kind of like a tit for tat thing, you know? I wasn't lying or blowing you off when I said I was working on something, but Christ, I could see how it would look that way."

I felt so bad and so, so stupid. I had doubted him so easily and pushed him away out of fear of being hurt again, only hurting myself and him more in the process.

"Edward…" I whispered thickly. He strode over to me purposefully and cupped my cheeks in his large hands.

"I just wanted to find the right way to show you how much you mean to me. That's all. I swear, Bella," he softly murmured while searching my face. I couldn't take anymore, so I pushed up on the balls of my feet and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. The whimper that escaped him all but erased the past few months from my mind and when he pulled me closer and crushed his lips to my own - I finally understood.

There is pain in life to make you appreciate happiness. Heartbreak exists for love to heal. Life will never go as planned, blindsides and curveballs pop up all the time. And if it hadn't been for the horrible circumstances that lead me down a path of sorrow, I might never had ended up in Grant Park day after day. I might have never met Edward and fallen in love.

I wouldn't have woken up in his bed the next morning, our legs tangled with my front to his back. His hand wouldn't have been resting on my thigh, as if to make sure I was still there, that I wasn't a dream. My arms wouldn't have been wrapped around him anchoring us both together. We wouldn't have spent the night talking and kissing and loving each other in the best of ways.

I wouldn't have found my one plus one and he wouldn't have found his blaze.

I would never be happy about what I had to lose in order to gain that love, but I wouldn't waste a single moment of it. I would embrace it fully and give my whole heart away without worrying about what might happen.

I would live. I would love. I'd have _the_ best man by side and _my_ best man watching over us. I no longer had to live in fear, trapped in guilt and grief. I could be happy.

I was happy.

So when Edward's head turned in my direction, his glorious crooked smile lighting up the whole room as he mouthed the words _'__I __love __you,__' _I whispered them right back and moved to show him exactly how much.

* * *

><p><em>Love you, Andrea. <em>

_xo -_

_OBL_


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